I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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