What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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