the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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