i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
me + whiskey = a bad person
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
