Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
