i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
