Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
