I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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