You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
