I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
