I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
