just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
