No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
