THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
