I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
