A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
