If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize