it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
