i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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