Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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