i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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