oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
