i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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