His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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