Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
