I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
