just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
