I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
