what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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