i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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