I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Someone shit on the floor
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
