the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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