is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
