do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
