One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
