if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
