pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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