I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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