so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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