Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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