So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
