when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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