Tell her she can't have a vagina
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
