My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
