2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
