10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
