Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
