why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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