omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize