on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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