it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
