I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
