his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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