She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
