this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
