I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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