Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize