i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
