Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
