do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
