I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
