Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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